(For the first time, we are including a Hindi poem written in English script. It's just one of those experiments that we decided to do. Do feed us back on this idea at - edit.frwmag@gmail.com)
Ae biddu, boleto mera naam hi badal diya, ‘Bombay’ se ‘Mumbai’ bana diya,
meri galiyon mein raakh bhar diya.
Dhoondta hoon apne aapko,
is dhuuye mein tumne mujhe andekha kar diya.
Is aanchal mein sambhala hai hazaaron ko,
mudkar kabhi mujhe bhi sahara de do.
Mujhse kuch lekar mujhe adhura chhod diya,
is dhuuye mein tumne mujhe andekha kar diya.
Kabhi milta hoon yaaron se, to haste hai mujhpe.
Bomb, shor, garibi, pradushan, sunkar darte hai mujhse.
Meri waadiyaan lauta do,
in raahon mein gum un logon ko phir bulalo.
Tumhare dil ladkhada chuke hai,
paison ki chaaha mein mujhe bhula chuke hai.
Pyaar se kabhi tum ek dusre ka haath batate the,
Tumhari bahaduri ke kisse, log sunate the.
Abhi, zindagi “fast train” ho chuki hai, platform par gaadi rukti nahi,
Naam aur shohrat ki ucchaiyon ko choona chahte ho.
Tumhare aage badhne ki chaaha ko main bhi chaahta hoon,
Bas raste mein mujhe bhool mat jana,
Is daud mein kahin kho mat jana!
- Pallavi Arur
pallaviarur@gmail.com
Ae biddu, boleto mera naam hi badal diya, ‘Bombay’ se ‘Mumbai’ bana diya,
meri galiyon mein raakh bhar diya.
Dhoondta hoon apne aapko,
is dhuuye mein tumne mujhe andekha kar diya.
Is aanchal mein sambhala hai hazaaron ko,
mudkar kabhi mujhe bhi sahara de do.
Mujhse kuch lekar mujhe adhura chhod diya,
is dhuuye mein tumne mujhe andekha kar diya.
Kabhi milta hoon yaaron se, to haste hai mujhpe.
Bomb, shor, garibi, pradushan, sunkar darte hai mujhse.
Meri waadiyaan lauta do,
in raahon mein gum un logon ko phir bulalo.
Tumhare dil ladkhada chuke hai,
paison ki chaaha mein mujhe bhula chuke hai.
Pyaar se kabhi tum ek dusre ka haath batate the,
Tumhari bahaduri ke kisse, log sunate the.
Abhi, zindagi “fast train” ho chuki hai, platform par gaadi rukti nahi,
Naam aur shohrat ki ucchaiyon ko choona chahte ho.
Tumhare aage badhne ki chaaha ko main bhi chaahta hoon,
Bas raste mein mujhe bhool mat jana,
Is daud mein kahin kho mat jana!
- Pallavi Arur
pallaviarur@gmail.com
Posts
13 comments:
hey ..a nice poem ..very characteristic of the spirit of bombay and indeed true of the city ...thought-provoking as well ..keep it up ..gud work ..
this is what i had::: This is jhakaas... boleto ekdum super duper...awesome in my opinion
I think the poem is beautiful.. you have could not have captured the spirit of mumbai in a better way... very apt and strikes a chord when you read it.... good work Pallavi... look forward to reading some more of your artifacts...
nice work pallu....happy now? :)
It's nice for a newcomer.
Could have been much better though. Get genuine about writing; don't write, keeping the look of the poem in mind.
you started with slang nai...you could have kept that flow on i think...im someone who is more of a 'rhymer'...your message was conveyed, though that sarcasm or humour of slang would have handed that required PUNCH...thanks for the gr8 new experiment in our magazine pallo
thanks sam,for the honest feedback!!thats what i like to know,about where i could improve!!will work at it!!
and thanks to the critic too,though i would be glad to get some more elaboration on that point.didnt quite get it!!
thanks to all those compliments,though i never think my work is up to the mark.always see scope to improve it!its nice to hear good words too!!
Hey pallavi......ur start is impressive,it sets the bombayaa mood. I thought the last few stanzas could have been better though . The lines"Is aanchal mein sambhala hai hazaaron ko,
mudkar kabhi mujhe bhi sahara de do.
Mujhse kuch lekar mujhe adhura chhod diya,
is dhuuye mein tumne mujhe andekha kar diya.
Kabhi milta hoon yaaron se, to haste hai mujhpe.
Bomb, shor, garibi, pradushan, sunkar darte hai mujhse.
Meri waadiyaan lauta do,
in raahon mein gum un logon ko phir bulalo.
Tumhare dil ladkhada chuke hai,
paison ki chaaha mein mujhe bhula chuke hai." are well written.Looking forward to read more of you
See, when we talk about the articles/ poems that are there on this magazine; we assume them to be above a certain level; and this surely was no exception. It was definitely better than any other random bullshit that you come across. But I guess, you guys don't want to be 'good'; you want to be 'great', don't you?
Somewhere while reading the poem; I felt that you are bothered about the look of the poem. Don't let that happen. Write as if nobody's reading - that's when you manage to express yourself freely. Actually, I have spotted this trend of 'wanting to look good' in many writers lately; in your case it was comparatively less prominent though I hope you get rid of it quickly.
Lastly, I'm not Shakespeare to give you guys any kind of advise. I'm just another person who loves to read and loves to read creative stuff. Feel free to ignore me if my words sound senseless.
Nice attempt! But somewhere I got lost..Individually the lines make a lot of sense...If you look at it as individual verses, some of the verses are really well written!
But when viewed in entirety, I kind of failed to grab the essence! There was no one unifying factor which held the poem together except of course for the theme! Still on the whole, a really good attempt!
the poem is a true picture of a great city like mumbai. the way it has been personified is amazing, and all credit to Pallavi for capturing all the right points that should matter. Great job and keep up the good work!!!
hey i liked teh poem but nevertheless i do think mumbai comes with a certain degree of nonchalance ( call it apun ka tapori slang if u will ) . then it shud have been delivered with the same tone of ease .
i feel that the highlight of the poem is its hard hitting nature although the words have been kept simple... individually the lines are very meaningfully but as a stanza they get lost..their meaning comes out more beautifully when u read each line than reading one stanza as a whole..but on the whole it is thought provoking n will appeal to a large audience including elders and kids...good job!!!
Post a Comment