Anomaly

I’m holding on to the last strands of lucidity that I think I possess.
The sleep that I didn’t sleep is all pervasive.
She engulfs me like a thick mist.
She beckons me like a sweet temptress.
But I’m afraid it is not to be.
She will not let me enjoy her. Exploit her.
She would rather keep me waiting, so I don’t stop wanting her.
She delights in my agony, reminding me of Him.

He, the man of my dreams.
A face I can put a name to but not much else,
who has made me less than myself.
He says You’re my best friend.
He says I’m giving up on you.
He says You slut!
He puts himself first.
He lacks the courage to be vulnerable.
He is not faithful.

This elusive duo has shattered my existence.
Sleep.
Him.
Sleep.
Him.
I resent both.
I desire both.
I am scarred.
Living, but not alive.
My gut says this morbid state of being will not subside.

I am going out today, all dolled up.
The kohl in my eyes hides the circles around them.
Caused by the Two.
My archenemies.
Today I will rise
Above the power they hold over me.
I will defeat them.
Conquer Her and set Him free.