It was two years since I was seeing her
Her sudden absence was causing a stir
It felt like I was fighting the world
I felt alone, so alone without my girl.
We stay away but it’s gonna be fast.
Not too long, will this feeling last.
Just stay together, she said to me.
We'll be one forever, she said to me.
I said yes. So I vividly remember.
But then how could I do this to her.
How could I forget that tear in her eye.
She could just whisper, couldn't even say good-bye.
And I! I asked my colleague for her body?!
Oh my God! I was so stupid and now so sorry.
We did it; without a fuss.
It was the end of love and trust.
No. It was the end of 'US'.
- Samir D. Bellare
sambell111@gmail.com
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12 comments:
wow!!samir and serious stuff!!thats a rare combo!!:)
as always,simple and nice!!
however,i think,it could have been phrased a little differently for more impact!!
Hey Buddy.... Amazingly well written. The first part I can identify with but the end??????? Sorry I got lost somehwere. Please Help....
nicely written ...i know who u talking about ...but whats that last para all about?
@ketaki: Yeah the last para's breaking away a bit more than the rest of the poem. I guess I shouldve done better.
@pallavi: I know I could've phrased it a bit better, the last para, isn't it? I tried to think about it a lot, but I couldn't arrive at a solution. And frankly speaking, I din't want to get into character, would never really like to :)
You know somehow your poetry tends to grow on me on more readings. When I read it first I went like WHHHAAAAAAAAAT but * some composure later* a second reading, gave me an all new perspective. well, it is a great subject to begin with. It wasn't a funny poem because it talks about how physical love can never compensate for presence. Nice thought.
arre janvi...i'm just embarassed when ppl acknowledge me for serious stuff, since i'm known to be more on the sarcastic side...it's definitely not a funny poem, hence the :'| there
...Mr.Editor, kindly remove my comment.
it waz quite gud but u cud have made it more interesting... its a mirror 4 ppl. undergoin sum mental trauma...
The basic idea of ending 'US' would make me biased towards the poem.
I like it for it's non-poetic feel.
Though, writing this one was simply playing safe with the words. Nobody would HATE it, but neither would anyone find such writings brilliant, at least not someone like me. Because, they fundamentally lack a content, NEW ENOUGH.
I expect you to me more creative and 'risky' with the content in the next issue.
And if my opinion is anything to go by, you should get over the feeling of trying to be funny in everything you write. Quality humour can NEVER be forceful.
Ummmm...well, I've said it once, and am saying it again, it's not that I want to be safe all the times with words; I tried other options, but somehow I still felt this was the best option(of the ones I had).
Well, being forcefully funny is not the right thing surely, but I'm trying to experiment with it and I don't think that's wrong...
I sounded really stupid in 'The mind of the day-dreamer'....perhaps I might succeed in some other attempt.
Mr.Critic, are you an artificially intelligent system? I'd like to study you if that's the case ;)
hmm....sam this is a nice one...its manages to get print on a reader's mind...still u cud have played wid more words..
gud1 dude!!!
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