A pond lay at the bottom of my garden,
Frozen, surrounded by moss
With colossal creepers clawing for space.
Unreal yet full of character.
I would stare at it, struck by its force.
Ghosts lie at the bottom, they whispered.
I pretended not to be scared,
But the summers never dried it up.
Then one day, this labyrinth disappeared.
The sunlight in my garden, hit dust.
Not the frozen pond, with creepers.
Probably it ate itself up, tired of growing.
I did not know, I refused to know.
My mind has stopped racing.
- Janvi Gandhi
Janvi.87@gmail.com
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4 comments:
very nice!!beautifully written!!
This poem has a very tranquil feel to it. It narrates a fine tale with a typical simplicity.
'colossal creepers crawling' is an interesting sound-picture complex. I somehow feel the arbitrary introduction of the 'they' in the middle of the poem takes something away from its dark interiority. also, the use of the present tense in the last line seems to take away from what can be a self-contained incident, like the pond.
"Not the frozen pond, with creepers.
Probably it ate itself up, tired of growing."
While I don't see the need for the inversion, this for me is the core of the poem, capable of fine development.
Good to read some of your stuff...
@ Partho - Finally some fine criticism. Yes I do find this poem incomplete, with ends untied, each line flowing in a halo, without resonance.
In the last line, the present tense was an attempt to direct the reader to make connections between the pond and inner recesses of the mind where nothing is driven by reason.
The core of the poem, for me lies in the disappearance of the pond. Like you said,THAT was supposed to unsettle the reader. Maybe a reworking on this one, would be a good idea. Thanks for pointing it out.
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