For the few cherished dreams,
For the elegant smiles I've seen.
For the lost glory, I write;
to tell my story, I write.
At times to get back the same,
and to relive some moments again;
to embellish my thoughts, I write.
to beat the odds, I write.
For the melodious music,
and for the life that's plastic,
I write for the harmony of the rain,
I write for the truth in my pain.
To kill the fear of the sorrow I bear,
To shut all the lights, with nobody around to share;
I write when the old breeze visits me,
I write when the dreadful thoughts haunt me
For the increasing darkness,
For happiness that's evanesced,
For the dimming hope, I write;
in the nothingness of life , I write day and night.
- Mihir Chitre
mihirmumbaikar@gmail.com
Posts
5 comments:
"For the few cherished dreams,
For the elegant smiles I've seen.
For the lost glory, I write;
to tell my story, I write."
Amazing start...These four lines according to me are the best part of the poem..I like it even more everytime I read it or hear it..I must have heard it for half a dozen times now and read it more than a couple of times!!
Knowing you personally, I would like to add that the poem is very reflective of the Mihir I know...This poem has managed to capture your inner feelings about the way you feel about writing..
I have one word for you 'Oustanding!'
Each line is so precious, and although the rhyme could be distracting - the words are not just fit in. It's like a piece of classical music, full of passion!
I quite like this poem. It begins by sounding like a war-song and one feels you are trying to justify the act of writing. However the very essential 'feeling' for writing soon surfaces and takes over. It's really the last two stanzas that are the cream of the poem; to me, "I write when the old breeze visits me" was the most perfect line of the poem, though you need to be careful of using words irresponsibly, as in: "For the melodious music,/and for the life that's plastic" The rhyme here really sounds contrived and even the lines don't seem to have much to say. I really loved the last stanza. Phrases like "increasing darkness", "dimming hope" and "nothingness" coming in successive lines made me visualise a theatre screen that, at the end of a film, starts going black from all four corners, the blackness moving slowly towards the centre so that finally there's just one tiny circle of light left at the centre, which too goes black eventually and the theatre is plunged in total darkness. I don't know if anyone else saw this but I did and loved the last stanza for that. Nice poem though a few shortcomings hold back the impact it would have had otherwise - the war-song-ish feel at the beginning (it didn't work for me but could have for someone else), the irresponsible use of words in one or two places as I already mentioned. Maybe I would have preferred a more lulling effect that you could have worked towards but even the feeling of disturbance is fine, just that the poem on the whole is not disturbing enough. Perhaps fragmented, jarring but solid and not-thought-of images could have been used to convey the inner disturbance. Certainly one of your better poems though...
As I have already said..'Outstanding'
Charming topic
Post a Comment